look no pants
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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