Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
