It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
