I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
