I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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