In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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