it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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