y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
