I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
