Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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