I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
How drunk are you?
Completed.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
