Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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