id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
