Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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