We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
