Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
