My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
