I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
