He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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