why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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