At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
