the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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