i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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