im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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