On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
