THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
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through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
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We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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