Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
