whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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