I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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