you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
