paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
