obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
