he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
The best revenge is premature balding
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
