I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
