sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
