Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
