I think my vagina is haunted
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
