I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
