I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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