Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
