I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
