erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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