i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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