My underwear smells like fireworks.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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