he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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