I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
