Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
