Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
