I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still dying that you shit outside
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize