I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
