Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
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we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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