i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
