I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
