im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
