Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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