My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i barfeds in our rink
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
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and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
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2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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