True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
