you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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