The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My breasts were aching with rage.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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